there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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