i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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