There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
