Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
