My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
