So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
