You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
time to smoke my breakfast
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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