He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
