I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
