I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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