So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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