Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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