I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
