I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
