How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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