I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
