How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
