This is not my ceiling
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
