I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
