If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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