Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
