direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
