They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
