she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
