You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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