Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
