Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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