i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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