Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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