I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
