ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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