Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
