Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
