So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
