just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
