why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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