I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
