I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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