Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
