Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
