it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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