Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
