Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
