And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
