the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
