I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
