I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
