Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
