He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
