I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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