His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
