I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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